UC Personal Statement

Prompt #1

I come from a young, cold, tough, yet supportive world. Tragedy, violence, and struggling has plagued the world I come from. My education has always been my number one priority, but many things have occurred which have taken my attention away, but these struggles I have gone through have pushed me to look towards a better future.

From a young age, my family has been unstable. At the age of four my grandmother died and the house we were living in had to be sold and we nearly went homeless as a result. My father lost connection with my uncles. We eventually lucked out because luckily our real estater’s mother had a house up for rent in North Berkeley. We immediately took this opportunity and made a deal to stay there for three to four months while my father looked for a more permanent place to live in. The times in Berkeley were tough for everyone. My father was forced to get two jobs in order to make ends meet. My sisters continued to go to school in San Francisco while juggling part jobs. My mother stayed at home taking care of me, but I was not doing that well myself. The house was infested with termites and as a result I developed a horrible rash. Although I do not remember much details about our time in Berkeley, I decided to explore this chapter in my history. When I learned more from what happened form my mother I began to realize that my sisters became successful not because things were given to them or a red carpet was pulled out for them to walk on. No, they got to be who they are today by working their butts off and perceiving through the many curve balls and fast balls life had thrown at them. I realized that in order for myself to become something in this world I would have to struggle and fight. Every little mistake I made, I just had to leave behind and forget so I could move on. I learned and developed a strong determination and will to want to learn and beat my sisters and become successful in this difficult world.

For years after that event my life was on a smooth road. My family was re stabilizing itself and I took my education extremely serious. I was an A student, but all that changed when the summer before eighth grade came around. It was the night that forever changed my life and molded me into the person who I am today. I was laying in bed with my parents watching TV when my sister, Sandra, came into the the room to tell my parents that my sister, Sulay, was laying in bed crying, not responding to her. My father ran into their room and attempted to calm her down, but to no avail she continued to scream and cry hysterically. My sister, the strong one who never showed her emotions was having a mental breakdown in front of my eyes and I was powerless and I could not do nothing. The police and ambulance arrived and she was taken away from me. I was not allowed to leave the house because I was too young, but I was not too young, I perfectly understood the jeopardy in which my sister. She was going to die and I never had the chance to say I love you. This event left scars implanted in my mind till this very day. I have never been the same jubilant, excited child that I was since. My eyes were open to the real world, and to the horrific fact that any time I could lose those who I loved the most. From that point on I learned to expect the worse from life and I developed a low self-esteem. From eighth to ninth grade my grades dropped considerably. I went from getting a 4.0 to getting a 2.83. I thought I was done and that I would never be able to pick myself up, but then I remembered what happened that faithful night and I made a stand that I would focus on my education and stay strong its the least I could do to make my family happy. I learned to become more independent and since that event I have grown as a student, a son, and as a man. The once protective shell which I lived in has been broken and I am now living in the real world. which at times can be difficult but its is for the best.

Prompt #2

I believe that the reason I have been able to succeed in school has been my perseverance. I have always had a tendency to not give up, sure I am lazy, but I never give up on anything. I work hard and hard until I get the job done. This characteristic truly makes me proud because thanks to perseverance I have been able to get through the many struggles I have been through. To me perseverance is the will and strength to get past a whole lot crap and get to where you want to be.
I am also a very determined person. Even though I am a procrastinator and tend to let things at the last moment. I still get them done. I have the determination to even finish the most difficult tasks. For example, last year we had multiple essays to write and every time I left it for the last moment, but I was still determined to finish them, I did in fact finish. I would usually receive a solid grade on them.
I am extremely proud of these two characteristic they have propelled me through school and life. Without perseverance I would just give up on my hopes and dreams. Without determination I would not be able to get anything done and thous I would not have the opportunity to be writing this. Determination and perseverance not only define me as a student, but as a person as well
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Final Book Review: Hunger Games

         Violence, struggling, death, and survival are all endless cycles which plague our everyday world. I bring this topic up because the book I am currently reading the book The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. The book takes settting in a distant future North America where it is basically divided into separate districts. The government forces two teenagers, one girl and boy, from each district to fight to the death in the wilderness. They must hunt for their own food, water, and whatever other few supplies are available to them. They also have access to weapons in order to protect themselves. The government forces the children to fight against each other in order to show the public that they have control over everyone even the children. It is both horrible and sad to see how the children are pitted against each other. They are destroying their future and lives by going through this. I think that Suzanne Collins’ purpose in writing this book is open our eyes to the ugly side of life, the side of war.

When I think of war, I tend to think of men having an assault rifle and infiltrating a base and some other related thing, but the sad truth about war is that many children my age or just a little bit older get in the middle. In many nations, young men three or four years older than me are given training and are sent out to basically be slaughtered. This connects to the book because even though the children are not going into war with another nation they are still being used by the government. Either way many of them are going to die.

 I would also like to say that this book touches upon the issue of governments having too much power over their people and exploiting them in certain ways. The topic of war and governments having too much power are closely related because often times when a government has too much power, another country steps in to fix this. A modern day example of this is how the US has gotten itself involved in Libya in order to kick out the president Ghadafi. Back to the book, an example where the government shows an over exertion of power is when they already have the teens in the hunger games, but they set up a perfect scenario for bloodshed, "When food is scarce, the game makers will invite players to a banquet, somewhere none to all like the cornucopia, as an inducement to gather and fight" (Collins 244).  This quote portrays the image of how the government is corrupt and will exercise its immense power in order to strike fear into the public. It also demonstrates how the government does not seem to care about what the hell happens to the players the whole point of the banquet was to gather them up and to pit them against each other in a fight. This relates to war in general because troops are placed in specific areas on purpose because certain areas draw the attention of the enemy. Some troops are just used as a decoy or bait to draw out the enemy. It is sad but it is true. Another example of the government being corrupt is when the rules of the game are changed to where now two teenagers can survive, “The news sinks in. Two tributes can win this year, if they’re both in the same district. Both can live. Before I can stop myself, I call out Peeta’s name” (Collins 244). This demonstrates the sick and twisted minds of the government for as they have changed the rules just get more viewers. By having two tributes being able to survive, the audience would be able to feel more emotion. They won’t just hope for one survivor, they will hope for two, but that is not that case because at the end the government switches the rule again to where only one can survive. The two who are left, Katniss and Peeta, who initially thought they were both going to survive, but they must kill each other until one is left standing. This is a prime example of how corrupt governments manipulate the minds of their people in order to get what they want, when they want it. Overall the book expresses this theme multiple times throughout the story.

To the naked eye The Hunger Games may seem like your typical novel about survival and violence, but upon further analysis the book reveals a deeper meaning of war and corrupt governments. Much like war, the children are put through hell and the cycle of violence, death, and survival continues to spread and infect the world like an epidemic. 

Peer Edit Comments

Jasiu:

You have a solid introduction. There is an overall flow to the essay, but I feel like it can be improved. Your CM is straight to the point and your CDs connect to the topic. Overall, you have a solid piece of writing here and with some adjustments it should be all good.:

Tiffany:

Ur voice and style should be altered to a more formal one as this is an essay we are writing. there are just a few things are out of place. I agree with Jasiu, you say this book is similar to other books you've read i'd like to see some examples, make some connections. I also suggest a better, more interesting hook. With some work on voice, and connections it should be fine.