My fellow student Peter Chen is debating on the topic of what is the best method to control the human population. Okay so my initial reaction to his opening statement is that wow this is pretty short and I only see one true piece of evidence.
Like I stated it is a good start, but he needs some work. First of all I felt that it was relatively short compared to a lot of the other opening statements I ob severed. I felt that he could have put a lot more effort and information into this opening statement. Second of all, I really liked only piece of facts he had, but he never really elaborated on it, he just kind of put out there. To go on about that only fact I respect that you are Chinese, but you should not just talk China because they are many other countries that are overpopulated. I think you should keep that background information, but do not allow that to overwhelm your opening statement. I also realized that you had no links, so there was no evidence to back up any of your claims. My suggestion is to figure out what you think is the best way to control human population because you do not even state what your view on this question is. There is no thesis, so try to come up with clear thesis that clearly explains what you think is the best way to control human population. You should also try to find data, evidence, and facts that support your opinion on this topic. Finally, they were a considerable amount of grammatical errors, so yeah try to fix that up.
Overall it is a good start. My main advice is to organize your ideas and find some data that supports your ideas. Got some to do work man. Good Luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment